Southwest Love Fest 2024

In so many ways, we are taught to control each other and situations as a means of gaining a perceived sense of safety. We try to use control to feel connected to each other, but this ultimately inhibits secure connection. In this interactive workshop, we will reconceptualize control across levels of experience from personal (codependence) to systemic (neoliberal myths), as well as explore practical skills around boundaries (vs expectations vs rules vs agreements). By identifying our own attempts to control, we can discover how to move away from this misguided attempt to connect and back into alignment with secure and sustainable ways to be in relationship. Each participant will also receive a Found Family Discussion Guide and Integration Exercises to take home.

We’ve come a long way from “no means no” to “yes means yes” consent, but don’t stop there! This workshop will help you dismantle binary enthusiastic consent into a more nuanced spectrum. This workshop will teach key concepts from the Yes-To-No Spectrum (Consent Wizardry), the Wheel of Consent (Dr. Betty Martin), and willing consent (Emily Nagoski). You’ll be invited to try somatic exercises that focus on skill-building to grow your consent practice.

Mononormativity is a paradigm that highlights monogamy as the expected and ‘correct’ form of partnership in Western colonial societies. In this workshop, participants will be invited to investigate the ways that people who are engaged in non-monogamy (NM) are required to deconstruct and divest themselves of mononormativity’s impact on their relationship dynamics. Together we will explore how expectations of partnership are impacted by this paradigm, and how we can approach unlearning mononormative programming from a place of compassion and understanding.

A common pitfall many nonmogamous persons face is how to say "no" to requests made by their partners in nonmonogamy. Requests made by partners to cancel plans with other partners, requests to grant access to text exchanges or other correspondence with other partners, requests to break up with other partners or to limit how they interact with other partners, for example. Often, people will say "yes" to things they don't truly wish to do in an attempt to keep the peace, because they are afraid to lose someone important to them if they say no, or because they don't know how to say "no, I'm unwilling to do that". 

In this workshop, Evita Lavitaloca Sawyers will demonstrate a process she developed for helping people gain the tools to compassionately say "no" to their partners in a way that honors their own autonomy and also provide care for the parts of their partners that are making those requests because, deep down, they are struggling with the fear that they are going to lose their partner and trying to regain a sense of security in the relationship.

Join us for opening night of the Affectionate Alchemy art show!

Promoting local artists whose artistic expression celebrates ethical non-monogamous relationships, including LGBTQIA+ expressions of consentual love, sexuality and other non-traditional relationships; an artists who identify as such, though subject matter is otherwise directed.

Enjoy delicious food from some of Tucson's best food trucks!

Join us for a fun time analyzing how dating has changed over the years. We will start by playing a group version of the 1965 Mystery Date Game. Yes, there will be a winner, and yes there will be a themed prize! With a guided group discussion, we will create our own personalized timeline of dating in America from the 1960s to modern day - from using a rotary phone to ask out a swell gall to using tinder to send solicited dick pics. This workshop is inclusive of all sexual orientations, so be ready to laugh and learn with LGBTQAI+ folks and allies.

Being ethically non-monogamous lets us experience so many wonderful emotions! But it also can bring out difficult emotions like jealousy. While not everyone experiences it, many of us do and if you do, this discussion is for you! We will start by going over jealousy, reasons why we feel it, envy vs. jealousy, and some management tools. The last portion of this will turn into an open discussion and Q&A to help share our own experiences, advice, and get general support. Being jealous is OKAY and we're here to help you get through it!

*This workshop is open to both sex workers and allies alike.

Each sex worker has their own understanding of both the “sex” and the “work” aspects of their job. We use many tools for our trade, and since these tools often include sharing parts of our bodies, our brains, and our hearts with clients, we also face many challenges in our “off-the-clock” relationships. Join professional slut Andre Shakti to discuss how sex workers can achieve healthy relationship practices, as well as how those who love us and fuck us can show up for us in intimate relationships.

We’ll be discussing: 

• Acknowledging and mitigating feelings of shame often experienced by sex workers Acknowledging and mitigating feelings of jealousy often experienced by our partners. 

• “Calling in” and combating both microaggressions and macroaggressions in social, professional, & familial spaces.

• Learning how to build successful communication bridges between parties.

• Addressing and demystifying harmful stigma & stereotypes as they pertain to sex work and alternative relationship model.

• Asserting and accepting desires and boundaries, & MORE!

In a mononormative culture, the existence of multiple attractions can trigger fight-or-flight responses in both the participants and the closely-involved onlookers. Whether we are talking about a brand-new crush, a rekindled interest, or a platonic friendship that blossomed into something more, every added connection is viewed first as a rivalry, a temptation, or a betrayal. As a result, we don’t always have a clear mind on what positive, informative, or critical data the experience is giving us. Minus the rivalry, consensual non-monogamy allows us to examine that data and what it can tell us about ourselves, our partners, and the nature of our relationships. 

This session will examine how much we can learn from the existence of multiple attractions (when cooler heads prevail) and how much of that info we can use to benefit our relationships, regardless of lovestyle.

Elevate your self-care practice and learn about how stress and trauma are held in the body. This workshop will give you an overview of polyvagal theory, common stress/trauma responses (fight, fight, freeze, and more), and how to recognize different states of the nervous system.  Trauma is so common and often misunderstood - if you don’t have trauma yourself, chances are that you know and love someone that does! You’ll learn entry-level grounding exercises for self-regulation or co-regulation that you can use to nurture more supportive relationships.

“The body is not to be prayed for, it is to be prayed to.” 

~ Sonya Renee Taylor 

We are living in a world designed to cut us off from our connection to our bodies, especially for people in the LGBTQIA+ community. Let’s come together to investigate what is blocking our connection flow, what sex-negative, shame-forward messages we’re ready to throw away, and how we can take action towards cultivating a positive and nourishing practice of sensuality and desire. The facilitator will share considerations for incorporating sacred sexuality into your spiritual rituals, guide participants in a healing, energetic meditation, and invite participants' questions about this all-too quieted topic.

The age of Empire is coming to an end. Can you feel it?  

In the face of multiple ongoing global and local crises, this interactive workshop aims to inspire hope for a better world. A world rooted in trust, not control.  

Together we’ll explore how relationships can be one of many avenues to facilitating personal & collective transformation.   

Learn to identify how internalized imperialism sneaks its way into non-monogamous dynamics, what healing looks like, and how to take actionable steps. Be prepared to self-reflect and engage in a witchy somatic group exercise.

First we'll be welcomed by SWLF Co-Creator Sara Bachman-Williams and go over conference orientation. Then Mikaela de la Myco will support the opening ceremony as a moment to begin the process of healing, exploration and connection we will embark on over the weekend. We will open with the directions, circle question and share a song to carry us.  There will be land acknowledgement and a water offering.

In this workshop, we will explore the concept of self-love and its perception as being selfish, conceited, or even narcissistic. The workshop aims to define radical self-love and provide insights into how the participants can develop and nurture self-love. The ultimate goal is to foster deeper connections and relationships with others. The workshop will utilize experiential exercises and open discussions to enrich participants' understanding of self-love and the intrapersonal boundaries needed to create that.

When planning inclusive sexuality events, there are a great deal of considerations to be made. How can we plan events that are joyful and sexy, while also being focused on ensuring that they are accessible? How can we ensure that events we create represent  the characteristics and uphold the values of the communities we are working to create? Most importantly, why aren’t there more accessible events? Join Rachael and Rebecca, the co-founders of Glittergasm Events, LLC, a queer event company as they talk about the barriers, pitfalls, joys and triumphs of creating accessible community events.

Individuals with an ADHD diagnosis often struggle with task initiation and completion. However, the motivators to alleviate these symptoms often lose novelty quickly, and leave individuals feeling “stuck”. Join us in learning why BDSM can help your favorite ADHD-er with symptoms, and access tangible ways to implement this into your dynamic as a top or a bottom!

A group discussion to explore, share ideas and ask questions about community accountability.  How do we keep our community safe from those who either cause harm unintentionally and refuse to be accountable or from thise who are habitual and intentional harm doers? Keeping it hush hush only makes room for future repeated harms and new survivors of said harm doers. Who do we tell, how do we handke it, how can we vet potential harm doers and how can we prevent repeat offenses.

In polyamorous relationships, situations like a partner testing positive for an STI can challenge the boundaries of privacy, dignity, and especially consent. This workshop delves deep into the essential practice of consent in such circumstances, equipping participants with tools and strategies to respect and honor the agency of every individual involved. Combining theoretical understanding with immersive exercises, we will explore how to balance personal autonomy with collective responsibility. Attendees will also gain insights into ways to make regular STI testing and treatment more accessible.

Whether we want to admit it or not, the very ability to practice non-monogamy is a privilege, significantly impacted by socio-economic class. Despite what society would have us believe, we are neither more or less deserving of love and intimacy based on our financial capital. This concept alone can feel impossible to unlearn within a monogamous relationship structure; now, consider individuals who participate in alternative relationship structures that contain three or more individuals. 

Within this course, we will seek to:  

• Discuss how and why non-monogamy benefits from wealth Identify the sacrifices that non-monogamous people make in order to onboard new partners and maintain consistent relationships.

• Acknowledge the impact of capitalism on HOW we date, taking care to include specifications for marginalized communities and how capitalism tells them they're unworthy of relationships.

• Discuss how we can move away from capitalist relationship models where funds hold the most perceived value. 

• Come up with non-monogamous dating "hacks" that are accessible to marginalized communities and work towards re-balancing the system.

• Discuss alternative definitions of "value" that one can bring to a relationship, and how non-monogamous "families" can use creative divisions of labor based on what each individual uniquely brings to the table to create and sustain value, & more!

This will be a participatory conversation amongst audience members as we explore how to cope with the things that cause us to experience the grieving processes. Major life changes, both planned and unexpected can be incredibly disruptive. Grieving any life change,not just death of a loved one, while simultaneously being present in multiple relationships can be more complex than usual. We will share about managing our self-care and how to pre-plan what to do when we experience an unexpected loss or major life change that may negatively impact our emotions or existing relationships.

Join me, David Urbaniak with Keller Williams Realty, at Southwest Love Fest! Proudly sponsoring this vibrant event, connecting hearts and homes in the spirit of togetherness. Enjoy a complimentary lunch and bring  your real estate questions. Please RSVP to me via text (520) 440-9229 and let us know of any allergies and dietary restrictions - let's build dreams together!

Despite the hardships and discrimination we face, transitioning is a source of excitement and happiness for transgender people. "We've Always Been Here" will be a small panel discussion including trans speakers. We'll cover several topics where each panel member will speak on their personal experience. This panel will focus on the positive, interesting, and funny aspects of being transgender, changing the narrative of trans people as pitiable victims - while still acknowledging societal challenges. We will select a few questions from the audience to answer as well.

Note: this is not Transgender 101. If you are unfamiliar with what it means to be transgender, and the issues that we face, this link is a good starting point to start learning about it. This panel will be a 201 session, that will be delving deeper into individual experiences rather than a beginner introduction to trans rights.

Attendees will learn about basic sexual functioning as it relates to understanding how the brain functions and changes given different states of arousal and need. Relationships are of course affected by changes in functioning such as you would see in disability and aging. Polyamourous couples/throuples face the same challenges and these challenges may be enhanced when there are large age differences.  

Attendees will also explore how individual values shape the evolution of our sexual and intimacy journey regardless of age or disability and that these values need to be identified and respected especially as they also evolve and change in dynamic polyamorous relationships.

Systems of carcerality (like the US prison system) teach us that accountability is achieved through punishment. This easily seeps into our relationships and can disrupt our capacity to practice accountability with each other in a way that restores balance, equity, and justice. Since - despite our best efforts - incurring/causing harm is inevitable in our relationships, this Liberated Accountability is a crucial skill to learn. This interactive workshop will explore new understandings of Liberated Accountability, and how to navigate it as a person who has experienced harm and as someone who has caused harm. We will discuss relevant communication skills, as well as the role of personalized, embodied apologies to create meaningful repair. Each participant will also receive a Found Family Discussion Guide and Integration Exercises to take home.

Jealousy and insecurity can be tricky companions in any relationship, but in consensual non-monogamous (CNM) dynamics, they often take center stage. That's where our enlightening discussion comes in! Join Dr. Lahann, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Clinical Psychologist, as she offers practical strategies for handling these emotions, exploring ways to create a safe space for open and honest communication, discover what's really causing those nagging feelings, and how to find your inner Zen through mindfulness and self-acceptance. We'll also explore the magic of compersion, share self- soothing techniques, and reveal the power of gratitude and empathy. Expect a laid-back, supportive atmosphere where we'll share insights, tips, and real-life experiences to help you build more positive and fulfilling connections in the world of consensual non-monogamy.

An embodied workshop centering the exploration of radical-self love and freedom dreaming. Our bodies are central to our freedom, pleasure, and possibility. The playground is an invitation to create the world we want to experience by claiming our embodied truths out loud. We do this through liberatory practices such as movement-based explorations, games, dance, talk-back practices, whole-body listening, consent, getting comfortable with uncertainty, and mindfulness practices. This is an opportunity to share our truths out loud in a safer space, a chance for our bodies and beliefs to be fully expressed, despite those that would silence us. This active claiming of one's voice is the key and core to our collective freedom and the manifesting power of our pleasure.

Explore the common side-effects of anti-depressants, and the balancing act of using medicine to improve your quality of life. Through this workshop, Dr. Az will help you integrate this new knowledge with real-world examples of overcoming changes in sexual desire and changes in connection to others.  This will empower you to advocate for yourself and others, to receive psychiatric treatment options that improve your mental health, as well as your quality of life and human connection. Know your options, and reclaim your joy! Please note that this will have a film and photography team for posting on social media, there will be a section for those who do not consent to photography.

How do we collectively change what's considered masculine so that it's inclusive of traits like softness, vulnerability, and communication? I'll be talking (and taking questions from the audience) about lessons I've learned over the course of my life, as well as lessons learned over the last four years interviewing people about masculinity.

The colonization of joy instills shame in the way we seek out/acquire/desire/display/avoid our joy, often preventing us from fully enjoying our sex/sexuality/desire/pleasure. We settle for what we’re given or qualify/justify receiving less or existing in a world of approximate joy. As well, we feel shameful for wanting more, inhibiting growth and fulfilment. While this phenomenon exists in all aspects of our lives, it blossoms in the world of desire, especially sexual desire. We accept or we reject pleasure often based on what we’ve been told is “appropriate” or “respectable” for achieving joy. Colonization challenges us to actually seek out what we want, when we want it, with whom we want it, how long we get to experience it and how to move past the rigid rules of how joy manifests in our lives. Via exercises, group discussion and individual work we’ll examine ways to combat the colonization/oppression of the beautiful view of joy and pleasure in our lives, including how the use of an augmented view of compersion, autonomy and creativity assists in overcoming the “rules” to fulfillment.

"Fluid Expressions" invites you on a captivating journey to awaken your imagination and delve into the world of the erotic, all within a nurturing, playful environment. Desiree will be your guide as she supports you in embracing your unique creativity, encouraging you to let go of perfection and welcome the beauty of spontaneity. As you surrender to the flow of your paintbrush, you become part of a vibrant community, where each stroke celebrates the joy of creation and the magic of intuitive art. 

This workshop is more than an artistic endeavor; it's a sanctuary for freedom of expression and connection. Whether art is your lifelong passion or a newfound interest, "Fluid Expressions" offers a space to nurture your acts of creation, create meaningful bonds, and discover the endless potential of your creative essence. Join this journey of love, art, and your unique expression, and experience the exhilaration of being truly alive.

In polyamory, breakups can get messy. The dissolution of a relationship can send waves through shared communities, leading to fragmented friendships, gossip, gatekeeping, and unease in adjacent relationships. This workshop aims to provide a holistic approach to handling breakups, from understanding the broader implications to practical steps in navigating the process sensibly. We’ll discuss creating kind exit strategies and contingency plans that prioritize mutual respect, clear communication, and community cohesion. Participants will leave equipped with tools and strategies to handle breakups gracefully, ensuring minimized fallout and compassionate understanding.

Trans+ folks need love too! Learn more about how to be a more affirming (and possibly more attractive) partner to trans+ folks... take your allyship from the streets to the sheets and beyond.

In this interactive workshop, we’ll explore common definitions related to solo polyamory (SoPo). 

• We’ll explore common misconceptions about SoPo, such as assumptions of loneliness or commitment-phobia. 

• We’ll discuss the idea of shifting the narrative around SoPo towards a more ideological perspective. 

• We'll look at how embracing SoPo as a means of personal growth and self-discovery can challenge societal norms and promote self-love, highlighting the potential for SoPo to be a platform for healing, where individuals can explore their needs, boundaries, and desires in a mindful and empowered way. 

• We’ll conclude by discussing practices and strategies for cultivating self-love within the context of SoPo, including self-care, self-reflection, and emotional intelligence and this actually improves our ability to connect with others.

Join me as I read and reflect with some of my favorite excerpts of my book, “A Polyamory Devotional: 365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Non-monogamous”. We will read several passages and answer the reflection questions as a group.

Polyamory opens many pathways to exploring relationships to many people. Those explorations often help to connect us to individuals who have needs that can run counter to our own. Join us as we explore the ways we can prioritize needs, hold ourselves personally accountable without dismissing our relationship responsibility, and create spaces of mutual care and trust.

Activists for Sexual Liberation come from all walks of life, from all ideologies, and temperaments. For those of us that identify as Introverts and Ambiverts, the cost of the social labor inherent in justice work may make activism inaccessible or unsustainable. This proves especially problematic when tied with other intersections in our worlds. In-group shaming and misunderstanding often keep introverted activists from practicing effective self-care or seeking support in their communities.  This workshop aims to acknowledge the meaningful role of Introverts and Ambiverts, encourage their continued presence in activist circles, and grow their ability to nurture themselves so they can sustain their fight for justice. Through interactive discussion, small group exercises, and lecture the workshop will increase the skill sets of Introverts and Ambiverts to improve their ability to continue to show up for others without sacrificing themselves in the process.

Ever wish that people could get to know you on a deeper level more quickly? What if they had precise information about you and how you work in a way that could be referenced later as needed? Create your own User Manual to maximize the way others interact with you. You are a unique human being with specific emotional reactions, relational desires, intellectual needs, and physical/sexual proclivities. No one can know what those are unless you tell them. So, why not create your own User Manual? Your manual provides insight into the workings of your mind, heart, and body. The process of creating it allows you to think through exactly what it is that you want, need, and desire.

As LGBTIA+ people, we are often called a “community.” But what does this look like in practice? When are we coming together, and how are we showing up for each other’s mental, emotional, and spiritual/energetic growth and wellness? In this workshop, Bex Mui, she/her, author of House Of Our Queer: Healing, Reframing, and Reclaiming Your Spiritual Practice, will share about the growing House Of Our Queer community along with a variety of “tools” for your spiritual toolbox including astrology, tarot, moon rituals, and reclaimed religious roots. Explore what tools might be right for your own current practice, and ways to strengthen your connections through community rituals.

*Note, this workshop will focus on queer community, but all who are seeking a queered-version of spiritual community are welcome*

Have you ever abandoned your own needs in order to maintain  connection in a relationship? Have you ever felt internal or external pressure to self-abandon as part of participating in non-monogamy (NM)? In this workshop, we will discuss how the basics of attachment and trauma theories intersect with NM relationship dynamics. Participants will be invited to reflect upon the reasons we might abandon our authenticity in order to maintain connection in NM relationships.

In our closing ceremony, we will have a moment to reflect and share we each other on all of our journeys together over the weekend. We will return the water back to the land and close the container we have made together. 

In this workshop we will explore connection and openness with other men and how this impacts our Somatic experience. The Somatic approach involves bringing one's awareness into the body which often leads to greater intuition, presence, and embodied wisdom. We will begin with a guided meditation to center us and bring us into our bodies. Then, we will work together to create a container using consent, confidentiality, and comfort zones. We will be answering questions to explore what it feels like to share and listen deeply to each other. The questions allow to engage in what it looks and feels like to in Poly relationships and community as a male identified person. Being open with others is a powerful tool that can lead to more connection in all areas of life. During this process, I will also be guiding us into the body Somatically to support the discovery process. Somatics can help people get in touch with themselves and what is alive in them. I will also provide a few simple Somatic exercises that anyone can continue to practice.